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Die reinste Freude
ist die Schadenfreude
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1st-Oct-2017 07:20 pm(no subject)
crazy love
Finally finished chapter 11 of Monstrous. It's not exactly what I wanted but it's as good as I could get it right now. It was kind of at the point where I either posted it or it wasn't going to happen. I'm not sure how long it's going to take for the next chapter but that's fine. I've got an outline and the general idea figured out which is honestly enough for me right now.

My parents went out West for ten days so I've had the house to myself for ten days. It's been nice having the space and time to work on writing and other things, though the long time alone probably isn't the best. They didn't really leave that much for me to eat so I've had to scrounge stuff up. Then when I actually went shopping I forgot half the stuff I needed to get and then bought stuff we already had. Oops. It'll work itself out.

I took most of the time they were gone off from work too. Might as well enjoy an empty house while I have it, right? The one time I did go in it was for inventory, which consists of going in at 5:30AM and doublechecking the inventory crew. It went well but it was frustrating seeing all of the things my coworkers were neglecting while I was gone. No one ordered any senior flu shots so we were almost out by the end of the day I was there. I try to keep my expectations low but honestly that shit should have been taken care of. There was plenty of stuff I could have done to help them out but at that point I was just like fuck it and left it for S to take care of. I already broke up my vacation to help out, I'm not doing extra.

I've been playing a lot of the old Yakuza games too. I bought a new hard drive for my PS3 and replaced it (which wasn't actually that hard), then downloaded the two games I didn't have yet. I started off with Yakuza 5 for whatever reason and it's more fun than it has any right to be. The main story is pretty stupid but the sidestories and side missions are pretty fun. For one character I got to drive a taxi and for the other I got to go hunting in Hokkaido. Plus there's lots of sidestories where the gruff main character helps motivate someone to better themselves. I looked at the total time played and it's almost 24 hours already. Oops. It is really making me want to get a Japanese style tattoo though. Either a peony or a hannya I haven't decided yet.
2nd-Sep-2017 12:20 am(no subject)
desperation
All I have to say about the Game of Thrones season finale is that Theon did what I hoped he would and he's going to rescue Yara. I hope that after he does they just chill out in the Iron Islands and avoid the clusterfuck that is everywhere else but I doubt things will be that simple. Slowly chugging away at the next chapter of Monstrous and I hope to get that up by the end of the weekend. I'll have to change a few things that even though I had them outlined and germinating as ideas before things happened they'll look like I was copying if I put them in it now. Eh whatever.

Just finished working a ten day stretch. Not something I really enjoyed but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. The only saving grace is I have four days in a row off to do whatever. Hopefully I'll be able to get a lot done. I already got some stuff straightened up in my room.

Major annoying thing I found out today is my insurance didn't cover all or most of the cost of that biopsy that didn't amount to anything. So that was $200 I wasn't expecting to have to shell out. It could have been a lot worse.
21st-Aug-2017 11:08 am(no subject)
divine torture
I went to two Tigers games this weekend. They were playing the Dodgers, and at least the two games I saw the Dodgers won. :D I'm always a bit leery about cheering for a team that isn't the home team out in public, so the first game I didn't wear any of my Dodgers stuff. The game Saturday I did and people for the most part were okay about it, though there was one lady in the casino parking lot that was a sore loser and yelled out shit. Whatever. The only really shitty thing that happened was Cody Bellinger was catching a hit out to right field and he slammed into the wall and twisted his ankle. He's low key my favorite player right now, just because he hit his first home run in the game I went to in San Diego months ago and he's been doing cool shit ever since.

The second game we parked at one of the casinos and played a few of the slot machines. Somehow I won $51 despite having no idea what was going on. Only had to spend $12 to get it. And that's probably as far as I'll go with that for a while. One of the slot machines had nickel credits so I did a spin and then all of a sudden I got 15 free spins and it just kept on going. Weird.

The main theme for the day was people telling me I don't look as old as I am. You have to show your id to get into the casino and the dude there thought I looked really young. This woman we walked to the stadium with asked me if I was still in school. When I cashed out at the casino I got told I have a babyface. I really shouldn't complain, but it would be nice to at least have people recognize me for the age I am.
16th-Aug-2017 09:07 pm(no subject)
possibilities
I went to see the gynecologist yesterday so I could hopefully get answers on how shitty everything's been in that department lately. The doctor was super nice and seemed really empathetic, which is always a big plus. Turns out, in a surprise to probably no one, that she thinks I have endometriosis. I had a choice of taking birth control pills continuously or just the one component by itself. I'm not a big one for taking a bunch of medicine anyway so I opted for the thing that's by itself. I just hope the side effects aren't too bad. I'm supposed to go back in six months and have another pelvic ultrasound and all that jazz to see what's going on with the cyst on my ovary. Plus go for blood tests to make sure I'm not anemic. I hope all of it works because the next steps are a lot more permanent and invasive.

While I was there I also got to have the dubious pleasure of an endometrial biopsy. Before that I got to take a pregnancy test. There is nothing more fun than having someone messing around inside you with a bunch of random instruments and being unable to get what they need. She said it would feel like menstrual cramps, and it did for most of it. Except when she moved whatever she was doing to the side and then it was like holy fuck. I don't know if she got enough to do the test, but she didn't think it would really reveal anything (which is fine, I don't really want to find out I've got cancer or something).

The sad kicker to all of this was after feeling like the doctor was actually listening to me and would be cool to talk to when I checked out it turns out she probably won't be there by the time of my follow-up visit so it'll be someone else. Motherfucker.

Work has been shitty. The one tech who I'm somewhat friends with has been really angry and impatient for the past few weeks and he's been bitching out customers and coworkers alike. Monday when a tech and the pharmacist were fighting he started laughing and said that he hated us all. Which cool, great to know, but that's probably something you want to keep to yourself. Somehow I keep getting caught up in the middle of legitimizing one side over the other, which isn't cool and not something I want to do, especially when both sides are being fuckheads. But who cares? That's life.

This weekend the Dodgers are playing the Tigers in Detroit so my dad and I are going to a game on Friday and Saturday. It will be cool to see them in person again. I added them on Instagram and Facebook and it's kind of fun to get caught up in low stakes fanning for them.

And Photobucket's free account doesn't allow hot-linking anymore so I guess I'm going to have to rethink all of my LJ stuff. I'm sure the LJ image host will work, it's just updating the links. UGHHH.
30th-Jul-2017 06:05 pm(no subject)
clean and serene
The ultrasound was fun. The last time I had one I was in fifth grade, so it wasn't as all inclusive as this one turned out to be. Essentially you drink a bunch of water and then they check things, then you get to go to the bathroom and they check things from inside. And of course the radiology tech can't tell you if what they see is messed up or not so that was a fun few days of waiting.

Right now everything's sort of in limbo. I got the results and it sounds like I've got a cyst on one of my ovarys. And there's endometrial tissue where it's not supposed to be or something like that. So I get to go to talk to a gynecologist about that and have lots of fun with either a biopsy or another different kind of ultrasound. I suppose I shouldn't really be all that surprised, I've kind of known that I had most of the symptoms for endometriosis and/or PCOS for a while but it's never really been an issue until now. Honestly a part of me just wants to say the hell with it and get all of that shit removed, but the larger part wants to at least keep trying for now. We'll see.

Game of Thrones was gut-wrenching last week. I still like Theon as a character and I still think he's going to do the right thing. I don't think there was a right choice for what happened and it's kind of unfair to make that judgement. My dad was asking me if I'd get my Theon tattoo removed. Honestly I thought long and hard about it before I got it and I had to resolve to myself that I would be okay with it no matter what.
15th-Jul-2017 03:10 pm(no subject)
divine torment
I'll start off with good news first. Finally got chapter 10 of Monstrous up and updated. I'm hoping to write the next part faster but we'll see. No promises.

Ugh, so this last week or so majorly sucked. At times it felt like my whole body was pretty much telling me to fuck off. First my period was being a wonderful bitch and lasted for pretty much a whole month. I could deal with it up until this past week when it decided to go into overdrive. I went to the doctor for it and thankfully was able to get a drug that would make it finally stop. I still have to go and get an ultrasound to make sure stuff is okay, but that's a small price to pay. It does kind of explain why I was crying all the time and really pissed off.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, my stupid eye starts to act up Wednesday night. Turns out I scratched it again. I normally use my eye ointment in the morning, which is apparently not the right thing to do, so my eye got really dry at night then stuck to my eyelid and tore. So I've got eye ointments and eye drops that I have to use until it heals. One of the eye drops is the same thing they use to dilate your eyes so I'm walking around like o_O all the time. Hopefully I don't have to use that one all the time.
21st-Jun-2017 10:33 pm(no subject)
i'll jump as long as it's with you
I had a week off last week and am going to have another week off next week. I either unwisely or wisely saved all my time off until right before it resets in July. Last week I did a mini staycation Monday through Wednesday, then my dad and I went to some Dodgers games in Cleveland and Cincinnati. I had big plans to write some more but my writer's block was in full force and I really didn't feel like it. Hopefully I'll be able to do something while we visit my brother, but I'm not holding my breath.

So far the plan to see a baseball game in all thirty stadiums is working out. We've done ten so far. Before all of this I'm not sure I would really call myself a baseball fan, but once you sort of get sucked up into the stories and see the same players a few times it's hard not to get somewhat involved. There's this one player, Cody Bellinger, who just started playing in the major leagues on April 25th. I didn't realize it until I was looking for cards with him on it and he hit his first grand slam the game my dad and I saw in San Diego. And he hasn't stopped hitting them. Plus there's always Clayton Kershaw, who is a really good pitcher. It helps a bit that they're cute too. It's kind of fun to go to different cities and see how involved or not involved fans are with their teams. And sometimes stadiums have really cool food to eat, but that's not always a given. The game in Cleveland was so fucking hot though. Around the seventh inning we gave up and moved in to the shade.

Ugh, I want to get excited about the next season of Game of Thrones, but spoilers are making me nervous. Plus I waded into a few of the tags on Tumblr (which I should never do) and read what other fans think of characters and stuff and it's never really jived with what I've felt so it makes me feel anxious. I'd rather look at the pictures and then peace out. That happened to me with Hit the Floor. I didn't really like the way things were going, it was too pat and fairytale like, but all anyone on tumblr could do was talk about how awesome it was and OMG let's make them get married and have babies. That pretty much killed all enthusiasm I had for it.

I'm still a huge Theon and Yara Greyjoy fan. They're pretty much the only people I'm super worried about. Brienne of Tarth as well, to a lesser extent, but I have a feeling she can handle whatever gets thrown at her. Theon and Yara are with Daenerys though and that's never a good spot to be in as there's a greater chance something bad happens to them. I'd rather they just sail off into the sunset.

Work is work and that's all there is to it. The last few weeks when I haven't had to do it day after day week after week have been liberating. I'd love it if I could keep that up longer but I only get so much time off at a time.
28th-May-2017 12:59 am(no subject)
fierce bitch
I was getting sick and tired of my desktop computer being slow and randomly freezing all the time so I broke down and got a new computer today. Got twelve months to pay it off so that's cool. It's got a solid state hard drive so it's super quiet. So far it's going okay, it's just the whole setting things back up the way I had them part that's annoying. I have a backup hard drive that I've been using to reload everything and of course it seems that everything wasn't backed up so it's been a tedious bit of figuring out what's missing and whether or not it's important to retrieve it. I'm sure for the most part it's not.

My cough hasn't gone away yet. I stayed home on Tuesday because dealing with that on top of everything else that's annoying was too much to contemplate. I went to the doctor and it's one of those things that's going around, so she prescribed some stuff to help keep me from waking up in the middle of the night coughing. I still can't talk worth a damn but it's progress.

Watched Alien Covenant with a friend from work today. Michael Fassbender is really good at being sympathetic and a jerk. That's all.
13th-May-2017 01:31 pm(no subject)
divine torment
Got back yesterday morning early. Of course now I'm feeling sick and coughing and shit so hoorah I'm sure somewhere along the line I got a cold. I'm just glad it didn't happen when I was there. I haven't been sick in a while so I guess it's my time.

It was rainy and shit in Michigan when we left. When we got to LA it was rainy and cold there too. The first day we drove down to San Diego which was only a two hour trip or something but felt like forever. I didn't know that the Camp Pendleton military base was down there so it was kind of weird to have all this military stuff around and no trespassing signs. There were overlooks to the ocean that would have been so much more impressive if it hadn't been overcast and raining. I think I still got good pictures though. It was funny at one of the rest stops there must have been a bus full of Dodgers fans heading the same way as there were a lot of them there all getting ready together.

We got to the hotel in San Diego and dropped off our stuff before going to the Padres-Dodgers game. Downtown San Diego wasn't too bad as major city downtowns go, though to be fair we didn't spend much time there outside of the ballpark. I hadn't realized San Diego was well known for craft beer but that stuff was all over. The Padres play in Petco Park, which was fairly normal as ballparks go, though there was a grassy hill thing behind center field where you could sit if you wished and I guess they have certain days when you can bring your dog there to hang out and watch the game. The game was pretty good, got to see Clayton Kershaw pitch which is always a plus. Also the guy who normally plays first base got hurt and there was another guy who took over that hit a bunch of home runs and did a really great job. The Dodgers won.

The next day we went to the San Diego Zoo even though the weather wasn't that great. There weren't that many people there when we got there which was good and there weren't really any crowds as such until we got ready to leave. The animals were more active though so we got to see a bunch of them up close. They had a cool program with the cheetahs that they do. If a baby cheetah gets abandoned by its mom or is otherwise not able to grow up with other cheetahs they raise it with a dog because dogs are more friendly and outgoing and can keep the cheetahs from freaking out and stuff. They're apparently really shy animals.

The Zoo also had pandas, which I do like looking at but never really seem to do much more than eat bamboo or sleep. I know when I was little I had to wait in line at the Toledo Zoo to see some pandas when they came to visit and it seemed like it wasn't worth the wait. Kind of had to do the same thing here, but at least they were cute to look at.

The next day was my birthday. We went to the La Brea tar pits and looked around the museum and the grounds. I know in cartoons and stuff it makes it look like the whole pit thing is full of black liquid tar but here the biggest one seemed to be half water half tar. Then the littler ones looked more like mud patches or something as opposed to big puddles of tar. So that was a little disappointing, though reading about what they'd found in the tar was interesting.

After that we went to Dodger Stadium to watch the Dodgers play the Pirates. I bought a Dodgers baseball hat and after the game bought a shirt. We signed up to be designated drivers so we could get free drinks at the concession stand. While we were doing that I told the guy at the stand it was my birthday and he gave me a pin to wear that said as such. On the way up to our seats one of the ushers told me happy birthday. Also one of the mascots came by and I got to give him a high five which is always exciting. It was fun being in a stadium where you could actually root for the team you wanted to watch and not be worried someone was going to get pissed off, which is usually the case when we go to any of the other stadiums.

The next day was Disneyland. That was kind of a culture shock. Everyone seemed to have some secret understanding of everything. I've never been to any of the Disney parks so I didn't really know what to expect. I thought it would be busy, yeah, but more on the lines of Cedar Point or Busch Gardens where there's a bunch of people but you can still get through to what you want to do. This was huge crowds and long lines. Lots of people with giant strollers We went and did the Star Wars stuff first so we really didn't have that much of a wait. The rides were fun and the waiting wasn't that bad. It was kind of weird because we never really saw any of the people dressed up like characters anywhere except for in the parades. We stayed for the electric parade and then walked back to the hotel. That was the really nice thing, our hotel was close enough that we could just walk there instead of having to park and pay for it.

The day after that we went to the Getty Museum. It's at the top of a hill and you park at the bottom and take a tram up to the top. Getty collected pretty much only European works of art and his area of focus was mostly pre 1850s kind of stuff. He didn't like modern art, and impressionism was included in that according to one of the docents. There was lots to look at. Everything was divided between five different buildings and then there was a garden and some statues outside. There's also a villa you can go to that has early Greek and Roman art but we didn't have enough time to do that.

The last day we went to the Richard Nixon museum and library. That was interesting if only because I didn't really know all that much about what he did in his career except for Watergate. The museum kind of made it seem like he was for all of these progressive policies that passed during his presidency, like forming the EPA and stuff like that. My dad said that wasn't really being completely honest about it, as some of the stuff he signed he told people to not support afterwards. It was a very one-sided kind of thing. They did have a huge section about Watergate that kind of went through all of the events and what happened but even after that the exhibits kind of softened the blow. I did like the section they had about his early life and his relationship with his wife. They had excerpts from the letters they wrote to each other and some of the stuff was pretty good. The really sad part was they showed pictures of him at her funeral crying and I honestly didn't think I would feel bad but that was pretty tough to look at.

Went to Redondo Beach and it was just rocks, but we did get to see some harbor seals so it wasn't a total disappointment. Then we flew home.
7th-Apr-2017 01:38 pm(no subject)
you can call me anytime
Finally managed to get chapter 9 done for Monstrous. In a weird set of coincidences while I was finishing up the final edit I got a comment from AOO with someone asking me to update soon. So I hope that didn't reinforce that commenting practice. Oh well. It's nice to know people still care about it. Now I'll get to see how many more months it will take for the next update. :P

Less than a month and I'll be in California! For vacation, not for keeps, but still. It hasn't set in yet. It's been a while since I've gone on vacation. I like that sort of nothing matters kind of atmosphere that happens when you're on vacation where nothing matters and it's just about the experience. At least for me.
3rd-Mar-2017 09:30 pm(no subject)
bloody hands
I went and got my tattoo today. Everything went pretty well except I picked one of the more painful parts of the body to get tattooed on. By the end of it I was about ready to get up and leave. It didn't help that my arm was fucking bleeding a bunch too. Still I managed to power through it and it's done now. I think it turned out great but I wasn't thinking about how it would move when my arm moves so in some positions it's weird but I think once I get used to it it'll be awesome and I won't notice.

Here's RobbCollapse )
15th-Feb-2017 02:34 am(no subject)
denied
It figures the one time I actually finish a story when I say I'm going to Archive of Our Own is having database problems or something so I can't upload it. Have the wonderful fanfiction.net link instead. Troublemaker. It's a nice Theon/Robb story that is essentially PWP with a sprinkling of angst on top because why not? And the summary took forever to write because I am crap at summaries. I just hope that the fucking thing doesn't post a billion times when I'm not looking. I clicked the preview button though, not the post without preview, so all things working the way they're supposed to I should still be good. I guess I'll see how it goes when I wake up later this morning.

I had today off work and I think I accomplished pretty much everything I set out to do. I cleaned my room, which let me make room for some of the pictures and artwork I bought. Then I went to English Gardens and they had a sale on succulents so I bought some more of those. There was also this fern that had weird purple hairish stuff I guess? They are currently chilling in the greenhouse. I also bought some seeds so I got some coleus and lemon balm seeds as they can live indoors if I start them now.
11th-Jan-2017 04:18 pm(no subject)
sleeping
Went to the doctor for my annual physical thingy today. Didn't even have to take off my clothes, which was nice. She gave me an outline for an anti-inflammatory diet which I guess can help with depression and shit like that. I don't know. I didn't even look when I stepped on the scale because I knew I wasn't going to be happy with it and in some ways it's better not knowing.

After that, since the doctor hadn't gone badly, I went over to the new location for the tattoo shop I got Theon at and asked to get an appointment for a touch up. I was going to ask about the Robb tattoo too but didn't really see an opportunity. I figure I can probably ask about it when getting the touchup. Then after I left I realized I scheduled it for a day that we're really short staffed at work so I might have to juggle stuff around with that but who the fuck cares at this point. I don't know, my usual nervousness about shit likes to take over.

Other than that nothing much to report.
25th-Dec-2016 11:46 am(no subject)
clean and serene
Merry Christmas! Hopefully everyone has a good day. At least this year there's snow, and it's oldish snow so I don't have to shovel today. I had to work yesterday and while it was stressful at points I was at least working with competent people and we made it through. So that's a Christmas miracle right there. Watched Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas this morning which is a Christmas tradition.

Things I got today (so I remember):
-Barkskins by Annie Proulx
-Fantastic Beasts Lego Dimensions set
-My Name is Lucy Barton by Elizabeth Strout
-Mike Tyson Mysteries Season 2
-Yellow Submarine DVD
-Joker's Lowrider Lego set
-Mr Freeze Lego set
-The Hammer of Thor by Rick Riordan
-a leprechaun figurine
-a cat coaster
-some cat stickers

One of my Christmas presents to myself was a bunch of succulents I saw on sale on Fab.com. So far the majority of them are still alive so that's always a bonus. I just have to figure out how to get more grow light kinda things to set up in the greenhouse I've got in my room. The greenhouse setup has two levels and I can only realistically light the bottom one right now as the top doesn't have anything to hang a light off of. Somehow I've managed to keep a coleus, some rosemary I had outside, and a bromeliad alive. I would like to start my dahlias inside at some point for next year so maybe I won't have to wait forever for them to do something.

My dad and I saw the new Star Wars movie last week. K-2S0 is the coolest. I bought this Lego set of him and he's perfect. The movie was good as a whole but kind of a downer. That's all I've got to say about that without spoiling things.

I've got a decent chunk of a story I wrote during NaNoWriMo almost ready to go up. I'll try to finish it today or tomorrow and post it. I'm still working on Monstrous but that's going to take a little more tweaking.

Next month I'm hopefully going to go see about getting my Theon tattoo touched up and making an appointment to get a Robb Stark tattoo. We'll see if I go through with it. Honestly it's probably okay either way.

Also all things working out, I should be going to Los Angeles in May around the time of my birthday with my dad. We'll go see a few Dodgers games and some of the other stuff I didn't get a chance to see the last time I was there. For some reason holidays, while sad, are things I can get through most times. It's my birthday that's usually pretty tough. It leads to way more adding up what I have and haven't accomplished. I figure if I'm out there having fun there won't be as much time to dwell on that shit.
2nd-Dec-2016 11:04 am(no subject)
baby you're a rich man
Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been in somewhat of a funk creatively and in real life. Work is...well...work and as much as I would like it not to be a major deciding factor in what I do or do not do in my free time it somehow always is. New guy just had twins and so everything has to be rearranged so he can take care of them. Which I guess is fine it just sort of cements the whole nothing has really changed thing that was going on to begin with. Because yes, there was a gotcha with the I'm in charge of the inventory thing. Somehow that equates to I'm the only one who does anything with any of it. Where if things need to be ordered and I'm not there they don't get ordered until I am. And while that's fine if I'm the only level 4, it's not fine when there is another one and I have yet to see him take full ownership of something and do extra work. I really don't know how best to fight back. Small thing I did was he fucked up and ordered an expensive drug. I left it on the counter with instructions for how to send it back. Because I've done the whole get up early for inventory, salvage return, two or three other returns, and a controlled substance return this month and really that's enough. I would take responsibility for my fuck up. He can take it for his. We'll see if he does.

I've been talking a lot with my therapist about what my preferences are and how I want to live my life. It's not something I've ever really done since like elementary school. A part of it is fun, a part of it only brings up those same trapped unhappy feelings they always have.

My brother came back for Thanksgiving by himself. Selfishly I was glad that it was just him coming back. We didn't really get to hang out as much alone together as I might have wanted. It was nice to see him and have someone around to play video games and stuff like that with.

I finished National Novel Writing Month again for this year. I got the bones of a few short stories started and posted a chapter for Monstrous. None of them were for original works but hey whatever. I'm hoping I can keep that momentum up even though Final Fantasy XV finally came out and it's going to be a huge time sucker.

Right now I've got more tattoo ideas swirling around in my head. I truly think it is a slippery slope, once you get started it's hard to stop. I'd like to get Robb Stark on the same arm as Theon. It's just a matter of working up the nerve to go and talk about it. I think I would probably go back to Lucky Monkey and the same artist I was there last time.
15th-Sep-2016 09:27 pm(no subject)
destiny
I talked with the new guy today about his ideas. They aren't that different and I'm willing to give it a shot. He hates doing inventory stuff so that's my baby. The whole time he was talking with me it felt like there was something I was missing, some sort of hidden gotcha. He said he'd gladly take on the bad cop role. Part of me feels conflicted even giving in to that but it doesn't hurt to try I suppose. Right now that's essentially the role I'm in anyway. He told me that he wants there to not be so much stress on me, to spread it out more. Because I shouldn't be the only person answering phones etc. And that is really what I wanted to hear, that there's help. I still feel like I have to watch myself but perhaps some shit will change that needs to have changed long ago.
20th-Aug-2016 08:45 pm(no subject)
divine torment
Bleh. Angsty bullshit following. I entered in the return and got approval for it. I boxed it up and sent it out. They didn't say we completed it. I didn't realize until I emailed asking about it that there were two things I had to get approval for and I'd only done one. I fessed up to it but no one has said anything directly to me about it. I don't think I made any mistakes and I hope like fuck I'm not the only one who's made that mistake but fuck... The only reason I did it that way is because the last return system we had everything was all in one thing by default, it wasn't separated. And it's only the second time we've had to do things with the new system so perhaps I can be forgiven for that. It just pisses me off that I made a stupid mistake like that. I don't want to be on anyone's radar for shit.

My therapist wants me to be more aware of what makes me mad and not be so scared about being mad. I think it really is a problem that most of the time I let it simmer under the surface and don't let it go, but I'm not really sure if I want to be the person I am when I'm angry. I've got a quick temper and I don't want to hurt anyone. We're supposed to work on it.

We also talked about the new guy coming in. He came in last week or the week before and was kind of a dismissive jerk when he came up to see my boss. Like he was above us or something. Once he talked to my boss he came back out and then it was all smiles and suddenly he was interested. I'm crossing my fingers this doesn't make a situation I'm not all that excited about into something worse.

My parents and I went to an exhibit about the Beatles today. They were basically all I listened to through middle school and most of high school. I had pretty much all of their albums on cassette and I wore out my walkman listening to them. I really haven't listened to them so much in a while. Going to the exhibit was kind of like slipping back in to a world that I haven't visited in a long time. The exhibit was somewhat interesting, it went through their early years, and then what they did in the studio (there were stations where it went over what they'd done to innovate etc), finally it went through a weird trippy tunnel and then it was after they'd broken up and there was only a few brief paragraphs about what led to it. It was kind of a jarring end. There was supposed to be a lot of Beatles memorabilia and there sort of was but not nearly as much as the advertising made it seem like there was going to be.

The whole thing kind of exemplified what I hate about museum exhibits in general. No one can read the little placards quickly enough and everyone stands in front of what you really want to see. They had sections for Astrid and Stuart which I wasn't really expecting, but nothing really for Pete. I didn't get to read most of the early day stuff about John, George, or Ringo because they were in a weird corner that everyone congregated in. The really interesting part was the section at the end where they had pictures and artifacts of what they had all gotten up to after they broke up.

In a fit of nostalgia I ordered a collection of all their albums and then the two CDs from the Anthology that I liked. We'll see how much I actually listen to them. I started to listen to some of the stuff I have on my computer today and it kind of tapped into that old familiar feeling again.
14th-Aug-2016 02:08 pm(no subject)
duty and honor
Well the new job didn't work out. The guy said they couldn't offer me what I'm getting now. If I went there it'd be taking a $4 an hour pay cut, which I can't do. So that sucks.

New pharmacist is ok I guess. He's very friendly and wants to make sure I get the shifts I want. Which is obviously constrained by the fact that there aren't that many people who know what they're doing. I said I really didn't care (and honestly I don't, though it does suck closing all the time). I went in today just to enter in the drug return and he kept on popping in asking me how we do things. I hope to god he wasn't checking up on me. The stupid site was super slow so I tried entering stuff in with my phone and then that crapped out so I tried one of the computers in the pharmacy.

They're bringing in another level 4 technician to lighten the load, so to speak. Sounds like we'll be working opposite each other which is awesome. Dude used to work at the other store but left to go to a different pharmacy. Now he's back. He gave himself a stupid nickname (The Bull? really?) and likes to feel important. As soon as I heard that red flags went up. I don't mind someone coming to help, what I do mind is someone new coming in and deciding to change everything without observing to see if what was there before actually works.

In other fun news I'm slowly chugging away writing Monstrous. I thought I'd written something on my last vacation for the next chapter but I can't find it now. Very annoying.

I found two dresses to wear to the two days of my brother's wedding. Still not excited about having to dress up but whatever. Wedding is much more complicated than first envisioned. I'm just glad I'm not close enough to get dragged into the whole thing. Sounds like it's rehearsal dinner Thursday, ceremony Friday, reception Saturday, and opening gifts on Sunday. We're not going to be there for all of that. Listening to the plans made it pretty crystal clear to me that if I ever get married I probably don't want any of that. People are entitled to like different things though and if that's what makes them happy more power to them.
7th-Aug-2016 07:27 pm(no subject)
clean and serene
Well I went in on Tuesday and the guy who was supposed to interview me was late because he had a doctor's appointment. I waited in the lobby for half an hour. Then the assistant manager came out and took me back so she could talk to me. She asked me three questions (when did a customer ask you for something you thought was unreasonable? how did you make friends in a group (or something like that)? and essentially what accomplishment are you most proud of) and then it sounded like they were cool with having me. They're pretty desperate for people who know what they're doing. So on that front I'm good. It's the salary that's the real sticking point. She quoted me an hourly rate that's $5 less than I'm getting now. So that would be a no go. If they can get it so I make the same there as I do where I'm at now I would be pretty amenable to it. But there would have to be a possibility to get raises in the future too.

I freaked out after I left because I didn't really get a chance to ask any questions. So I emailed the guy and said I was sorry I missed him and got some clarification, somewhat. Still don't know what exactly I would be doing other than it's "receiving" and the one lady said people at my level usually are team leads. I'd be working Sunday-Wednesday or Tuesday-Friday with ten hour days. It's all doable.

When I next saw my boss on Tuesday he was talking like I was already gone. He's got a few people lined up to either help me or take over for me. It's about fucking time. The guy that's taking over for my friend as a pharmacist called on Wednesday and said he really wanted for me to stay and asked how he could "sweeten the deal". I have no idea what the fuck that would even be. He can't give me a raise and he can't give me more benefits or vacation time, so what else would there be?

In other more fun news I got my tattoo yesterday. The artist was really nice and she came up with a design that I really like. I only had one thing that I wanted her to change and she did it without complaints so we cool. It's a nice compliment to my other tattoo. There are some things about it that I just need to get used to, like I did with Yara. If I need or want something else like it I'd probably go back to her. It would just depend on what I wanted next. I was thinking about getting a traditional style wolf's head with a crown, which would mean going to someone who specializes in traditional.

Here's TheonCollapse )
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